Fighting for Fertility

When we first decided to start a family, I was convinced that I was not the 'type' of person to actively pursue a family, and if it didn't happen oh well, life goes on, children are not the be all and end all. Then my obsessive personality traits kicked in, and I was determined to maximize my chances and figured out when I ovulated and made sure we had sex on the appropriate days. I was a bit of a mood killer, I'm sure! I was pregnant in five months, and that was it, the family was on the way, and I started planning my life accordingly. I never even once considered the possibility of a miscarriage. We were having a baby for Christmas.

After my D&C for my miscarriage, I didn't have a period for months. I mentioned this to my GP and my OBS/GYN, but neither of them took me seriously. I was told to wait and be patient, but I knew there was something wrong. I know my own body, I know how I work, and I could tell that I was ovulating, I was getting PMS, my breasts would get sore on schedule; I was having a regular 28-day menstrual cycle, I just wasn't bleeding at the end of it. I started charting my basal body temperature, and it showed a textbook perfect cycle, rise after ovulation, drop at the end. I finally persuaded my GP to take me seriously, and he referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist, I think mostly to make me go away than because he thought there was anything wrong.

I was lucky in that I got into see the RE on a cancellation and I didn't have to wait the usual six months. He took my history and diagnosed me with uterine scarring within 10 minutes, and confirmed it after an operative hysteroscopy two months later. They took down the scarring that was blocking the cervix and the chunk that was at the top of the uterus, but it seemed that the uterine walls were affected also, and were not able to generate a decent lining, which impacts the ability for the fertilized egg to implant and start developing. I was put on huge doses of estrogen and then progesterone to promote healing, and then was given the list of reproductive options available to me. I knew very little of infertility, and still didn't really believe I wouldn't be able to have a family. I knew the statistics of a woman my age being able to have a baby, but that was other women, not me. I would be able to get pregnant, why not? Delusional, to say the least!

The list of options available to me was:
1. Do nothing
2. Take fertility meds to increase my ovulation
3. Add intrauterine insemination to option 2.
4. Add IVF to option 2
5. Adopt

We chose to try the fertility meds and intrauterine insemination. This was already far more intervention than I ever thought I would try. The medications had to be injected, and I have a HUGE needle phobia! My partner was amazing, and took on all the injections. I had Gonal F every day to promote egg production, and then Ovidrel to stimulate ovulation. Unfortunately, two things got in the way of this being a successful venture. I did not respond to the Gonal F, and therefore made one egg a month same as if I did not take any drugs. Second, the drugs made me ovulate much earlier than usual, so I don't think the egg quality was helped by that. We did several cycles though, with no pregnancy. I told myself I was 'resistant' to the drugs, when really I was just at the natural end of my reproductive abilities, and made it very hard for myself to come to terms with the failure. I was still very depressed about the miscarriage, and the constant monthly failure to conceive was adding to the depression. It was a horrible time in my life.