Five months: Things to remember

My boys are a little over five months old now, and are growing and changing and learning so many things.

Duckling can now easily roll from his back to this front, and does so a million times a day. The usual pattern is lie on back smiling, flip onto his belly, struggle a little and then start crying. We roll him back and give him a toy, which distracts him for a millisecond, then he rolls onto his stomach and starts crying. It's like the Groundhog Day of baby olympics, and the only way to stop it is to either carry him around or put him in the bouncy chair. He has learned to pull the rope that starts the musical frog, resulting in inane, incessant bubbly baby music. He swings off this rope like a monkey, and that damn music just never stops. But he has so much fun in the chair, kicking his legs and making it bounce up and down while laughing at the frog.

Pin has rolled over maybe five times, usually in his sleep, but hasn't figured it out during play time as yet. He has learned to try and attract our attention by shouting and fake crying, and when we look at him and talk he immediately starts smiling and babbling and shoving toys in his mouth. It's absolutely adorable. He also loves the bouncy chair, although he hasn't figured out the frog music or how to make it bounce on his own. He likes the vibrations and will sit and chew on a toy and make conversation.

Both boys are still very social and love to meet new people. They haven't learned to be shy, although Duckling can get a little overwhelmed with too much going on around him. He is very distractable during feeds, and it's better to take him to a quiet area so that he will eat. He is starting to reject the breast in favour of bottle, especially in the evening, and I am sad about this. Pin has been on the bottle exclusively for about a month now, and it was devastating when he rejected the breast. But I'm doing better with Duckling and am trying to take it in stride.

The boys have started fussing a lot in the evenings, and refusing to let their dad feed them. They are fussy with me too, but will at least eat. Duckling in particular has started screaming at bed time, and it takes him a long time to settle down and go to sleep. Sometimes both of them are in competition to see who screams the loudest, and it is so stressful that I cry along with them. They sleep well during the day, thank goodness.

Life is still like being on a hamster wheel. It is a repetitive pattern of feed play sleep, and it's not a lot of fun. I crave going out and doing things, but it's always such a big job to get everything ready, and bring what we need to feed, change and entertain them, that sometimes it's not worth the effort. We went to get our hair done today, and it was stressful trying to keep the boys fed and happy and not crying while both of us were getting our hair dyed and cut. We had to drive an hour and a half each way, and luckily they slept in the car both ways, or it would have been much worse.

We joined a family swimming class, which meets once a week and is for children 3 months to 3 years of age. It's mostly swishing them around in the water while singing, and there is usually moderate crying (Duckling) and frequent vomiting (Pin) but they are getting used to it and it's good to meet other families with babies.

Pin had surgery three weeks ago, for a left-sided inguinal hernia. Poor little guy, it was heartbreaking watching the nurse walk away with him toward the OR, and it was worse holding him as he came around from the anesthesia because he screamed and screamed and didn't seem to know who I was. They said he wasn't in any pain, and that it is a side effect of the anesthesia, but it was horrible to watch and I felt so helpless. We alternated acetaminophen and ibuprofen every three hours for two days, and he was fine after. The bandage came off after five days, and now the scar is barely visible.

I have decided to start baby-led weaning once they are big enough to feed themselves, and skip the spoonfeeding of purees. They should be ready in a month or so. Our friends are spoonfeeding their little girl cereals and fruits, and I just can't imagine adding that to our daily routine. You can just get so much more accomplished when you have only one baby! They bathe her every day as well, while we manage only two or three times a week. The baby-led weaning philosophy really appeals to me, so I don't feel badly about not giving the boys rice cereal and squashed fruit. ...'Food before one is just for fun'....

First swimming lesson

We signed the boys up for Parent/Tot swimming lessons, mostly because I wanted to meet other parents with babies of similar age. I haven't had much luck meeting people in the park, and the Ontario Early Years Centre was a bust, due to it being inaccessible to strollers....uh huh.

Cloth swimming diapers were purchased, and we were good to go. S took Pin into the changeroom and I took Duckling. I changed him into his cute fishy bathing suit and undressed, and managed to put everything into a locker while simultaneously juggling the boy, the towels and the locker key. I took a shower while holding Duckling away from the hot water, and we were ready. The shower area was packed with women and children, so I politely excused my way to the door to exit into the pool area. It was locked. While this explained the crush of bodies in the shower area, it didn't make it any more comfortable. Apparently the door remains locked while the intructors ready the pool area for the lesson. Eventually we were allowed into the pool, and we joined the rush of men and headed to the pool. We were told to line up around the perimeter of the shallow end, so we headed to the far side of the pool where there was a small gap. It was CROWDED. I couldn't believe how many families had been enrolled into the class.

The swimming lessons were for children aged 3 months to 3 years, but there were a good number of infants. The class consisted of waving the babies back and forth in the water while singing. We put them on their stomachs and then their backs, and pulled them around trying to make them kick their legs. Duckling stood this for the entire half hour, a stoic little frown on his face, hanging loosely in the water and looking at all the commotion. Pin lasted 15 minutes then started crying, and we had to take him out because he was getting quite upset. He fell asleep once he was out of the water, so it seems nap time is not to be ignored.

After class we all piled back into the changing room to dress. It turned out to be quite a juggling act. There is one change table, but it's just a table; there are no safety straps so you can't put the baby down safely. I retrieved all our items from the locker and waited my turn for the table, and finally was able to dry Pin and dress him. I couldn't let him go, so had no way to dress myself. I struggled into my clothes over my wet bathing suit, and met a fully dressed S in the hallway; he had asked somebody to hold Duckling while he dressed. I think next week we will take the car seats into the change room so that we have somewhere safe to put the boys while we get dressed.

Anyway, mission accomplished. I met some really nice people, and fingers crossed I will have some company in the park!

Things to remember: 17 weeks

I can't believe my darling little boys are four months old now, it's gone by so quickly. They have changed so much. I put them in their Bumbos and Exersaucers now, but they are still too small and don't sit up too well. They both hate tummy time, and both like their baths. They sleep in separate cribs now, because they both pivot in their sleep and one of them always ends up mashed into the crib rails by the other. They have stopped sleeping through the night since they sleep separately, so I think they must miss each other a little. They can still see each other though.

Duckling:

• Can roll from his back to to his front. He gets stuck and starts crying, so I put him on his back and he does it again
• Sleeps on his side
• Is growing hair back on the top of his head, and it is coarser than I expected. It's a combination of blond and light brown
• Loves his giraffe blankie
• Really likes to breastfeed, and only has a few ounces of formula after
• Hard to bottle feed, takes lots of breaks and looks around
• Likes to lie under trees and watch the leaves move
• Is reserved around people he doesn't know
• Has lovely fat legs
• Watches me a lot
• Likes to look at a bee decal on the wall beside the change table
• Takes him awhile to settle down to sleep, likes to look at his Winnie-the-Pooh mobile
• Can pick things up and deliberately put them in his mouth. Tried to eat an envelope the other day.

Pin:

• Rolled once about two weeks ago, but not since
• Has a big belly laugh
• Likes strangers who talk to him, smiles and laughs
• Doesn't like breastfeeding much, eats a little then enjoys the bottle of formula
• In love with the television, gazes at it in rapture. I don't turn it on anymore because I don't want him to turn into a math-hating zombie :-)
• Screams at bedtime, then quickly falls asleep
• Has lovely fat thighs
• Has just started turning onto his side
• Has what looks like a tooth coming through on the bottom; a little white spot is visible
• Loves his giraffe blankie
• Talks to us, adorable little noises
• Very little hair on the top of his head
• Has a freckle on his left ankle
  

Public Nudity

Breastfeeding has been an extremely difficult journey for us. I have struggled with lack of self-confidence, and fear that the boys will not get enough to eat. I don't seem to produce a lot of milk, likely because I never gave my body the chance to do so, and have supplemented with formula since they were born. I went to two different lactation clinics and although I followed some of their advice I found it too difficult to do everything they said, namely, tube feeding at the breast while nursing. Maybe if I had just one baby I might have done better, but I found that tube feeding two babies while struggling with nursing an absolutely daunting undertaking, and finally made peace with breastfeeding followed by a bottle at each feeding. The boys are getting some breast milk, and are growing and seem very healthy.

The only thing I never struggled with regarding breastfeeding was baring my breasts in public. I have no qualms about whipping out a boob when the boys are hungry, and have breastfed in museums, restaurants, a cellphone store, in front of our contractor and while having visitors. I make sure that I am discreet, and have nursing clothes that open at the breast and leave the rest of me covered, but apart from that I'm good to go. So far I haven't met with any negative reactions, and one time in the museum I actually had a little group of children standing in front of me, watching with great interest. I think S is a little embarrassed by my breastfeeding in public, but hasn't said anything and is always supportive and helpful. Our contractor is mortified and always stands sideways and stares at the wall while I breastfeed, which is fairly entertaining. The cable guy was also embarrassed, but at least could look me in the eye.

I want to continue breastfeeding as long as possible. Duckling loves to breastfeed, and at this point will only take his bottle after I feed him at the breast. Pin is less interested, and will only nurse when my breasts are very full of milk. By the end of the day Pin doesn't want to nurse, so Duckling gets both breasts at the last feed, and Pin just has formula. I'm taking domperidone to try and keep a good supply of milk, and drinking lots of water and trying to eat well. It's hard, and sometimes I'm tempted to just give them a bottle and give my breasts a rest. I don't though; I don't want to lose what little milk I have.

Double stroller = stay out!

I have a Mountain Buggy Urban double stroller, and love it. It's heavy, but it wheels around very easily. It's a side-by-side stroller, and as promised on their web site, it does indeed fit through most doors. However, the problem is not usually the doors, but the fact that many doors are not accessible because of steps, and many stores are so cluttered that even if you can wrestle the stroller inside you can't move around anyway.

We recently moved to a smaller town in Ontario, one that was established in the late 1800s. I take the boys for a walk everyday, mostly for my own sanity, and have become supremely familiar with the area. Turns out the majority of stores are not accessible, and I am reduced to peering through windows and waving at shop owners. I can get into the Shopper's drug mart and the Metro grocery store, and managed to crash my way into a children's clothing store, but that is about it. My mom visits on Wednesdays, and on those days I can leave the stroller out on the sidewalk under her vigilant guardianship and fly in and out of stores that are usually off limits. Oh, and there is the public library, with its depressing children's section in the basement, but Pin usually starts howling furiously within seconds of being in the library and I run away in a frenzy of embarrasment before somebody can start shushing me. It's a library, that's what they do.

This morning, the boys woke up unusually early after their second nap, and so after feeding them and me and getting us all cleaned and dressed, I was able to go to the Ontario Early Years Centre drop-in for the first time. This is a free drop-in centre for families with children under the age of 6, and is a good way to meet other women and children, and to have access to parenting resources and advice. It is only open from 9 to noon, which usually doesn't work with our schedule. I wanted to go for the social aspect, as I'm going a little stir crazy in this new town, not knowing anybody, and living in a chaotic house full of unpacked boxes. I dressed the boys in adorable matching outfits, made sure I didn't have any of the usual streaks of baby vomit on my shoulders, and happily marched off.

I got to the church in which the drop-in is located, struggled my way into the door with my fabulous stroller, and looked around for the correct room. A woman with an official identification badge asked if she could help me, and I told her I was looking for the drop-in. She pointed at some stairs, and told me I would have to leave my stroller outside as the centre was not accessible. She then peered into the stroller and realized that I had infant twins in tow, and said something like 'oh, that's too bad', and fled down the stairs to what I can now only imagine as the mecca of all things social, the Ontario Early Years Centre of Dundas, Ontario. I was left to struggle out the door, still in shock that anybody would think that it was a good idea to put a drop-in for parents and children under the age of 6 DOWN TWO FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. Seriously, how is that a good idea? And what about parents and children with mobility issues other than being too young to walk?

So now I am reduced once more to haunting the Shopper's drug mart and the Metro grocery store, aimlessly smearing cosmetic testers on my hands and buying yet another flavour of vitamin water in an attempt to amuse myself, with two sleeping babies in the fabulous stroller, sadly imagining all the fun that everybody else is having at the Ontario Early Years Centre.

Love

It happened! In the past two weeks I have 'bonded' with my babies. I'm pretty sure that's what this is anyway, this sudden, huge rush of love. I feel connected to them now, not just as a caregiver, but with a deep sense of belonging, like the three of us are joined in some intangible way. We are family.

The babies recognize me now, I'm sure of it. They are as attached to me as I am to them, and they respond to me in a different way than they do with anybody else. It took three months for this to happen, which seems like a very long time. I loved them, but now I know that they love me too. I know this for a fact, and it is a momentous thing. It makes me cry just thinking about it, and I am so lucky.

Tummy time

Even before the boys were born, we were lectured on the necessity of letting the babies spend time on their tummies. We were warned that they would not develop strong neck muscles and that they would likely have flat heads from lying on their backs all the time. So, after a week or two, we started putting them on their tummies so that they would be strong and be able to sit up and roll over at the appropriate time.

Trouble was, both babies hated being on their tummies! They STILL hate being on their tummies at three months of age. They struggle and cry and suck their hands and cry some more, and I feel like Mommy Dearest for putting them through it.

I've had lots of advice, mostly obvious:

• Make sure they are not too full


• Make sure they are not hungry


• Don't put them down when they are cranky


• Make sure they aren't too tired


• Lie down with them


• Distract them with toys


• Put them down on something interesting to look at

Problem is, with twins, catching that period of not too full, not too hungry, not cranky and not too tired is HARD, because when one baby is miraculously in the perfect tummy time zone I am usually feeding the other one, and although I can manage to flip the baby onto his stomach he lasts for only a minute, two at the most, and then I have a crying, struggling baby to contend with while still feeding the other. I put them face down on my chest while reclining, and they will tolerate that for a while, and I can lie on my back, bring up my legs and put them face down on my shins and move my legs up and down, and they seem to like that the best, but that nearly kills me!

I don't know what to do about this, but I'm trying not to worry about it too much. The boys are gaining head control, although they are not yet too comfortable in their Bumbo chairs. I can put them in my Moby wrap in positions for three- to four-month-old babies and they do all right with not too much head bobbing, but there is definitely room for improvement. They are well-supported in the Mei Tai, so not an issue. I'm curious though: is tummy time a construct of Western society? Do other, baby-wearing, bed-sharing, hands-on cultures place the same value on tummy time, or is it more prevalent in societies that sleep babies in separate rooms and place less emphasis on carrying them around all the time?